by: John Watson
Many people never find out what they can achieve until life has passed them by and with it the chance to discover what they are capable of. In Rambo III, the hero hijacks a Soviet attack helicopter in Afghanistan during the Afghan-Soviet war. His friend, the Colonel, asks: "Can you fly that thing?"
Rambo's reply is memorable: "Let's find out!" He wastes no time climbing aboard and 'finding out'. Of course, he can not only fly it, he can also fire rockets from it. He soon makes full use of both abilities! The experienced Soviet pilots are no match for him.
Notice that he does not confidently say: "I can fly that helicopter!" Instead his attitude is surprisingly less macho. The words "Let's find out!" imply that he will "try" and see if he can fly the helicopter. Some self help gurus argue that only wimps use words like "try".
I disagree. Wimps don't try even when there is a possibility of success. They give up before they even start or at the first hurdle. Strong people try without boasting that they will succeed. Reality demands that they walk before they can run or fly! They try and keep trying. Then, as they succeed step by step, their confidence can grow to the point where they believe strongly that they can and will achieve victory.
Reality teaches again and again that the most confident and the most experienced don't always succeed. Even the great Muhammad Ali and Iron Mike Tyson were eventually defeated.
Unlike Muhammad Ali, the fictional Rambo never boasts about what a great fighter he is. The Colonel does that for him. When a Mujahadeen fighter doubts Rambo's abilities in battle, Rambo makes no comment. He lets his actions win respect as he rescues the Colonel.
Sports teams and their fans often boast that they will win before a game although, to be fair, they are frequently joking. Time and again, their boasts are proved wrong. However, if the team tries hard, their fans will usually forgive them. They will not forgive a lack of ambition or effort. They will not forgive a team that fails to try.
Sometimes, teams that try hard against teams that are supposed to be far superior to them find that they are doing better than they thought they would. Their confidence rockets and they end up victorious.
In one of the first matches of the 2008 Six Nations Rugby Union Championship, Wales played England at Twickenham, the home of English rugby. Wales had seldom beaten England on their home ground and had exited the 2007 World Cup early. England, on the other hand had reached the final.
No one was surprised that England was leading at half time. But in the second half, Wales started to try harder and, as their point score went up, the Welsh team grew in confidence until they were playing like men possessed. Wales won and have gone on to beat every other team they have played so far in the championship. They achieved all this simply because they began to try and to try hard.
Recently, in what some call the greatest club soccer competition in the world, the FA cup, teams from the lower English and Welsh leagues have beaten the top teams like Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. These shock results took place in early March 2008.
They succeeded because they tried very hard. They could easily have rolled over and made the reasonable excuse that the top teams have huge financial resources which allow them to buy up the best players in the world.
Beverly Sills highlights the importance of trying: "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
If you don't try, you won't fail but you won't achieve much. Even if you fail, you will learn lessons and your skills and knowledge will grow. No one enjoys failing but it may be the quickest road to eventual success.
Sometimes we don't try or we try in a half hearted manner because we have been convinced in childhood or later that we are useless at something. We need to clear our minds of such thoughts and find out the truth for ourselves.
We also need to believe in ourselves enough to try. If we lack enough belief to even try, we can test out methods like affirmations and visualizations to see if they will help us to develop the necessary belief. Google 'affirmations' and 'visualizations' and you will find many websites that can help you learn how to make affirmations and how to visualize.
One site, for example, suggests a variety of ways to affirm effectively. You can affirm while you are walking or exercising. You could for example say: "I am strong and healthy" or "I am improving daily." Repeat this affirmation as you walk or train.
When I was at school in the Isle of Man, I soon discovered that cross country running was not my strong point. However, I improved by repeating one word "Faster" as I ran or, rather, struggled along! I never achieved "fast" but I did achieve "less slow!"
I suggest to my martial arts students that they say to themselves phrases like: "I am becoming faster and stronger." They can say these at training sessions and at gradings when they need to replace nervousness with confidence.
A typical NLP technique suggests that when you say or think something negative like "I am no good at making money," listen in your mind to the phrase diminishing in volume until it disappears. You can then replace that phrase with a positive one like "I am getting good at making money". Let this phrase become louder and louder in your mind until it dominates your thinking.
Another method uses writing. Write down what you want in your life about fifteen times a day. You could write "I am healthy, wealthy and wise." Writing things down is an effective way of releasing the power of your subconscious mind.
How to Relieve Stress for Free
by: Greg Frost
When talking about stress, stress management experts will always emphasize that the focus should be on making stress work for you, rather than eliminating stress. Without a doubt, it is impossible to live a stress free life in our times, when the needs of money and material wants and needs drives us to study hard and work harder. It is also perhaps a little known fact that stress need not always be bad.
Stress refers to our reaction from the conflict between our external environment and us, leading to emotional and physical pressure. The key is in learning to distinguish when the levels of stress are too high, and how to take steps to reduce the level of stress so that it remains optimal for you. Here are 3 tips to help your relieve stress for free!
Tip #1: Always set Goals
At the start of each day, week or month, it is crucial that you set yourself goals. These goals should be SMART, meaning that they have to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound. Remember that your goals should always be realistic, and by pursuing the goals that you have set out you will be able to achieve more than you thought you were capable of in the time span you have set yourself. It is no point to set goals that are overly ambitious, as the end result may be undesirable, with you unable to meet your goals and hence feeling stressed out and experiencing a lower sense of self confidence.
Tip #2: Improve your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence here is taken in the context of managing your emotions, especially in relation to stressful situations. This is usually measured by an indicator known as the Emotional Quotient, or EQ. Most often, your emotional reactions may be more extreme than called for, and this is due to your perception of threat to your emotional wellbeing. It is important that you do not adopt extremist views with regards to any situation, though it definitely does not mean that you should not have an opinion. Remember that there is no strict black or white, and that our opinions should always be flexible along the gradient of gray.
Tip #3: Time Management
With proper time management, you will find that 24 hours a day is more than sufficient for you to complete everything that you want or need to, including rest. Before you go to sleep each night, review what you have done for the day, and what you are planning to do the next day. Follow a set of priorities, or draw up a daily to do list, complete with a realistic amount of time allocated to each task. However, there is no need to be overly rigid to the timetable as certain tasks may require more time due to greater complexity than accounted for.
When talking about stress, stress management experts will always emphasize that the focus should be on making stress work for you, rather than eliminating stress. Without a doubt, it is impossible to live a stress free life in our times, when the needs of money and material wants and needs drives us to study hard and work harder. It is also perhaps a little known fact that stress need not always be bad.
Stress refers to our reaction from the conflict between our external environment and us, leading to emotional and physical pressure. The key is in learning to distinguish when the levels of stress are too high, and how to take steps to reduce the level of stress so that it remains optimal for you. Here are 3 tips to help your relieve stress for free!
Tip #1: Always set Goals
At the start of each day, week or month, it is crucial that you set yourself goals. These goals should be SMART, meaning that they have to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound. Remember that your goals should always be realistic, and by pursuing the goals that you have set out you will be able to achieve more than you thought you were capable of in the time span you have set yourself. It is no point to set goals that are overly ambitious, as the end result may be undesirable, with you unable to meet your goals and hence feeling stressed out and experiencing a lower sense of self confidence.
Tip #2: Improve your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence here is taken in the context of managing your emotions, especially in relation to stressful situations. This is usually measured by an indicator known as the Emotional Quotient, or EQ. Most often, your emotional reactions may be more extreme than called for, and this is due to your perception of threat to your emotional wellbeing. It is important that you do not adopt extremist views with regards to any situation, though it definitely does not mean that you should not have an opinion. Remember that there is no strict black or white, and that our opinions should always be flexible along the gradient of gray.
Tip #3: Time Management
With proper time management, you will find that 24 hours a day is more than sufficient for you to complete everything that you want or need to, including rest. Before you go to sleep each night, review what you have done for the day, and what you are planning to do the next day. Follow a set of priorities, or draw up a daily to do list, complete with a realistic amount of time allocated to each task. However, there is no need to be overly rigid to the timetable as certain tasks may require more time due to greater complexity than accounted for.
Self Affirmative Exercises for a Brand New You
by: Greg Frost
Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.
1. Repetition
Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind creates solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.
2/ Belief
If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.
3. Clearing your subconscious mind
Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need o not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit.
4. Music
Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.
5. Goal
When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.
6. Reminders
Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.
by: Greg Frost
Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.
1. Repetition
Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind creates solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.
2/ Belief
If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.
3. Clearing your subconscious mind
Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need o not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit.
4. Music
Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.
5. Goal
When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.
6. Reminders
Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.
Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.
1. Repetition
Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind creates solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.
2/ Belief
If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.
3. Clearing your subconscious mind
Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need o not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit.
4. Music
Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.
5. Goal
When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.
6. Reminders
Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.
by: Greg Frost
Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.
1. Repetition
Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind creates solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.
2/ Belief
If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.
3. Clearing your subconscious mind
Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need o not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit.
4. Music
Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.
5. Goal
When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.
6. Reminders
Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.
Reduce Your Stress Simply: Excerpted From Life's Little How To Book
by: Jaleh Donaldson
Sample Chapter 1:
Reduce Your Stress Simply
Stress is an everyday part of life. You can't avoid it, but you can do certain things to alleviate it. In our society, people try to reduce stress in a variety of negative ways, such as taking over- the-counter drugs, overeating, and watching television. I'm going to suggest some positive steps you can take to reduce stress. First of all, consider your answers to the following questions:
Do you often get a headache?
Do you notice yourself holding your breath?
Do your shoulders and back often feel tense?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have the symptoms of stress. If you don't heed your body's warning signals and do something about your stress, you may end up with a stress-related illness such as heart disease, cancer, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, impotence, chronic low back pain, and respiratory problems. You need to focus on positive ways to reduce the effects of stress. The following are suggestions of what you can do:
Exercise. Exercising regularly is one of the most effective ways of reducing the tension in your body. Examples include bike riding, weight lifting, swimming, and jogging. Pick an exercise program that you enjoy, which will keep you motivated, and one that you are physically capable of doing. Be careful not to overdo it or to do an exercise that might exacerbate any existing physical problems or injuries.
Practice deep breathing. When we're stressed, our breathing is often shallow and short. Taking long, slow, deep breaths can prevent you from tensing up and developing a headache. For two weeks practice the following deep breathing exercise three times a day for fifteen minutes: Take a comfortable position and put one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Slowly breathe in through your nose, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then slowly exhale through your mouth. If your chest rises more than your stomach, you're breathing from your chest, which is one of the symptoms of stress. Be sure to breathe from your abdomen. Practicing this exercise regularly will help to change your breathing pattern. Then, when you catch yourself stressing out, you can stop and breathe deeply for a few minutes.
Imagine a peaceful, relaxing place. Sometimes when we are in stressful situations, it is helpful to visualize being in a relaxing place. It helps our minds to clear, the tension to leave our bodies, and enables us to recoup our emotional and physical strength. When I'm stressed out, I imagine myself walking along the ocean, listening to the sound of the waves, smelling the cool refreshing air, feeling the warm sun against my face. For many people, the idea of having a "relaxing place" is new, so at the end of this chapter I've provided some questions that will help you create your own special relaxing place a place that is unique to you. Once you have this place in your mind, you will be able to visit it whenever the need arises.
Talk to someone you trust. When you're upset, holding your feelings inside doesn't help. It's better to share your feelings with someone you trust. Your problem may not be solved, but talking about your negative feelings will help to reduce your stress.
Maintain good eating and sleeping habits. When you don't eat or sleep right, your body feels stressed. Eat healthy foods and get six to eight hours of sleep a night.
Manage your time effectively. When you're not getting everything done, you're going to feel stressed. Sit down and prioritize what you need to do. Give more time to the activities that are important and less time to those that aren't. By scheduling and organizing your time, you're more likely to get things done and thus feel less stressed.
Think realistically. Sometimes our negative thinking makes things seem worse than they really are. For example, let's say your boss appears to have an angry look on his face, and you conclude that he's angry with you. The truth is, he might be stressed out for reasons of his own. Perhaps he doesn't feel well or has fallen behind on a deadline. Look at the facts before you jump to conclusions.
Laugh. Laughing releases endorphins that can help reduce stress. Look at the light side of life. Watch a funny movie. Read a humorous novel or a book of jokes.
Do something pleasant for yourself. Get a massage, take a trip, or have dinner at your favorite restaurant. You can also engage in pleasant activities that don't involve money. For example, take a hot bath, go for a nice walk, have a picnic at the park, or curl up with a good book.
Use aromatherapy in your home. The fragrances of aromatherapy, which are usually derived from flower and plant oils, powders, and resins, are designed to reduce stress and affect the mood. Some popular aromas are lavender, sandalwood, juniper, rosemary, jasmine, and rose. Scented candles, incense, and potpourris are examples of aromatherapy. Each person is different, so experiment until you find a smell that calms and relaxes you.
Create a relaxing home environment. Your home should be a place where you can refresh and rejuvenate yourself. You don't need to remodel, just accessorize the space to create a stress-free oasis. Soothing accessories can include pictures of loved ones, fresh or scented flowers, plants, indoor water fountains, artwork, and health and beauty magazines. Have fun making your home stress free and completely relaxing!
Let go of the things you can't control. Many aspects of our environment are beyond our control, and overstressing about them wastes our time and energy. For example, you can't change how other people drive or your spouse's annoying little habits, and you can't avoid being laid off from work or a death in the family. Remind yourself to be realistic about what you can and can't control and don't cause yourself unnecessary stress.
Avoid people who are demeaning or irritating. Mean people are toxic. They drain your energy, stress you out, and make you feel bad about yourself. Avoid them. Choose instead to spend time with people who are friendly, positive, and supportive.
Be assertive. Let people know what you think, feel, and want. You have a right to stand up for yourself without bullying others or allowing them to bully you. Stress occurs when you let others take advantage of you. Practice with friends and family. Especially if there's an issue that's stressing you out, take some time to rehearse what you're going to say. Being prepared in a situation will reduce the tension. Once you've practiced being assertive, you'll be able to draw on your assertiveness whenever the need arises.
Seek support. If you find the stress and anxiety overwhelming, then seek professional help from a counselor who works with clients who have trouble reducing their stress. You can also attend a support group, workshop, or class that teaches stress-management techniques.
Activity
After completing the questions, use the answers to write a paragraph about your "relaxing place." Start off by thinking about a place where you feel relaxed.
What do your surroundings look like?
What colors do you see?
What do you smell?
What do you hear?
How does your body feel when you're relaxed in this place?
What is the name of your relaxing place?
Sample Chapter 1:
Reduce Your Stress Simply
Stress is an everyday part of life. You can't avoid it, but you can do certain things to alleviate it. In our society, people try to reduce stress in a variety of negative ways, such as taking over- the-counter drugs, overeating, and watching television. I'm going to suggest some positive steps you can take to reduce stress. First of all, consider your answers to the following questions:
Do you often get a headache?
Do you notice yourself holding your breath?
Do your shoulders and back often feel tense?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have the symptoms of stress. If you don't heed your body's warning signals and do something about your stress, you may end up with a stress-related illness such as heart disease, cancer, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, impotence, chronic low back pain, and respiratory problems. You need to focus on positive ways to reduce the effects of stress. The following are suggestions of what you can do:
Exercise. Exercising regularly is one of the most effective ways of reducing the tension in your body. Examples include bike riding, weight lifting, swimming, and jogging. Pick an exercise program that you enjoy, which will keep you motivated, and one that you are physically capable of doing. Be careful not to overdo it or to do an exercise that might exacerbate any existing physical problems or injuries.
Practice deep breathing. When we're stressed, our breathing is often shallow and short. Taking long, slow, deep breaths can prevent you from tensing up and developing a headache. For two weeks practice the following deep breathing exercise three times a day for fifteen minutes: Take a comfortable position and put one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Slowly breathe in through your nose, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then slowly exhale through your mouth. If your chest rises more than your stomach, you're breathing from your chest, which is one of the symptoms of stress. Be sure to breathe from your abdomen. Practicing this exercise regularly will help to change your breathing pattern. Then, when you catch yourself stressing out, you can stop and breathe deeply for a few minutes.
Imagine a peaceful, relaxing place. Sometimes when we are in stressful situations, it is helpful to visualize being in a relaxing place. It helps our minds to clear, the tension to leave our bodies, and enables us to recoup our emotional and physical strength. When I'm stressed out, I imagine myself walking along the ocean, listening to the sound of the waves, smelling the cool refreshing air, feeling the warm sun against my face. For many people, the idea of having a "relaxing place" is new, so at the end of this chapter I've provided some questions that will help you create your own special relaxing place a place that is unique to you. Once you have this place in your mind, you will be able to visit it whenever the need arises.
Talk to someone you trust. When you're upset, holding your feelings inside doesn't help. It's better to share your feelings with someone you trust. Your problem may not be solved, but talking about your negative feelings will help to reduce your stress.
Maintain good eating and sleeping habits. When you don't eat or sleep right, your body feels stressed. Eat healthy foods and get six to eight hours of sleep a night.
Manage your time effectively. When you're not getting everything done, you're going to feel stressed. Sit down and prioritize what you need to do. Give more time to the activities that are important and less time to those that aren't. By scheduling and organizing your time, you're more likely to get things done and thus feel less stressed.
Think realistically. Sometimes our negative thinking makes things seem worse than they really are. For example, let's say your boss appears to have an angry look on his face, and you conclude that he's angry with you. The truth is, he might be stressed out for reasons of his own. Perhaps he doesn't feel well or has fallen behind on a deadline. Look at the facts before you jump to conclusions.
Laugh. Laughing releases endorphins that can help reduce stress. Look at the light side of life. Watch a funny movie. Read a humorous novel or a book of jokes.
Do something pleasant for yourself. Get a massage, take a trip, or have dinner at your favorite restaurant. You can also engage in pleasant activities that don't involve money. For example, take a hot bath, go for a nice walk, have a picnic at the park, or curl up with a good book.
Use aromatherapy in your home. The fragrances of aromatherapy, which are usually derived from flower and plant oils, powders, and resins, are designed to reduce stress and affect the mood. Some popular aromas are lavender, sandalwood, juniper, rosemary, jasmine, and rose. Scented candles, incense, and potpourris are examples of aromatherapy. Each person is different, so experiment until you find a smell that calms and relaxes you.
Create a relaxing home environment. Your home should be a place where you can refresh and rejuvenate yourself. You don't need to remodel, just accessorize the space to create a stress-free oasis. Soothing accessories can include pictures of loved ones, fresh or scented flowers, plants, indoor water fountains, artwork, and health and beauty magazines. Have fun making your home stress free and completely relaxing!
Let go of the things you can't control. Many aspects of our environment are beyond our control, and overstressing about them wastes our time and energy. For example, you can't change how other people drive or your spouse's annoying little habits, and you can't avoid being laid off from work or a death in the family. Remind yourself to be realistic about what you can and can't control and don't cause yourself unnecessary stress.
Avoid people who are demeaning or irritating. Mean people are toxic. They drain your energy, stress you out, and make you feel bad about yourself. Avoid them. Choose instead to spend time with people who are friendly, positive, and supportive.
Be assertive. Let people know what you think, feel, and want. You have a right to stand up for yourself without bullying others or allowing them to bully you. Stress occurs when you let others take advantage of you. Practice with friends and family. Especially if there's an issue that's stressing you out, take some time to rehearse what you're going to say. Being prepared in a situation will reduce the tension. Once you've practiced being assertive, you'll be able to draw on your assertiveness whenever the need arises.
Seek support. If you find the stress and anxiety overwhelming, then seek professional help from a counselor who works with clients who have trouble reducing their stress. You can also attend a support group, workshop, or class that teaches stress-management techniques.
Activity
After completing the questions, use the answers to write a paragraph about your "relaxing place." Start off by thinking about a place where you feel relaxed.
What do your surroundings look like?
What colors do you see?
What do you smell?
What do you hear?
How does your body feel when you're relaxed in this place?
What is the name of your relaxing place?
How to Pass an Interview!
by: Zohra Sarwari
Nine Steps to Interview Success
These days, the average person changes their career seven to ten times within their life span. This means that the average person is going to send out several hundred copies of their resumes in their lifetime…and yes, they’re going to have to go through several interviews in their lifetime.
Scary, huh?
If the interview process makes you nervous, well, you’re not alone. But right now, it’s time to stop worrying. You’re about to learn the nine vital steps for interview success…how to pass any interview you face!
Step 1: Research the Company that you are being interviewed for:
It’s a pretty obvious trick: research the company you’re interviewing for and be prepared to show off what you know about them. Way too many people show up for an interview without having the first idea about what the particular company stands for. The truth is that you should know at least something about the company’s mission, its general business process, and its particular needs. Know how long the company has been in business and whether they’re financially sound and profitable. Research the company with a view to determine what you can do to help them achieve their goals. Be prepared to say specifically how your personal goals and experience are going to be valuable to the company.
Step 2: Know your resume:
In virtually any interview situation, you’re interviewer is going to ask you questions about your resume, about your experiences and even about the quirky stuff you’ve listed to pad it out. You should read your resume over and over, and know the details of it because you never know when you’re going to be asked about your chess playing experience or your interest in literature. Make sure there’s nothing detailed on your resume that you’re uncomfortable talking about.
Step 3: Dress for Success:
Appearance can become nine-tenths of the law if you don’t pay attention to it. For every interview, make sure you wear garments that are professional and appropriate the position that you’re seeking. Your clothes should be comfortable, clean, and pressed. Don’t create a crisis for yourself on the morning of the interview when it comes to your clothes. Pick out your outfit and make sure it’s ready the night before your big interview.
Step 4: Make sure that you wake up early and are on time:
Just as you shouldn’t let your wardrobe run you down on the big day, you shouldn’t let traffic or public transport delays upset you either. It’s also crucial that you don’t get lost on the way so have directions –and confirm them if you have to – well before you set off. These days, with MapQuest, you have no excuses. Make sure you leave the house early, and plan to be at the interview at least ten minutes early.
Step 5: Review interview questions:
Interviews may be pretty scary but they’re also pretty predictable. It doesn’t take much to predict the basic questions you’re going to be asked. Here are some examples:
Tell me about yourself?
Tell me about a time you failed miserably in your career?
What is your greatest strength/weakness?
Where do you see yourself five years from now?
What are your salary expectations for this position?
Why should we hire YOU?
Prepare sample answers to these questions. Memorize a couple of key responses. Remember that no matter who you’re interviewing for or with, if it’s a job interview, the basic focus is going to be on your experience, your goals, and your potential to contribute to the company. Be sure you can argue a case for yourself on these key points.
Step 6: Let the interviewer lead you:
The interviewer is the one running the interview but you can set the pace. Wait for the interviewer to ask the questions. Take your time to listen to the questions. Give your answers carefully; make sure they are considered. That said, each of your answers should be given with an energetic and enthusiastic voice. Above all, smile and enjoy the interview. Be courteous and always thank the interviewer at the end of the interview. Tell them that you’re well qualified for the job, and that you will prove it to them upon being hired. Don’t be afraid to be confident in yourself and your abilities.
Step 7: Ask for the next step:
The interviewer will ask most of the questions but you will have a chance to get a word in shortly. Find out what will happen next, and what you should expect after the interview. When should you be hearing from them about the job? When will the hiring decision be made?
Step 8: Send a thank you note:
Everything you do regarding your interview has consequences. Just as a good sales person follows up on a lead, after each interview you attend you should be sure to send a thank you note to the employer and the interviewer, thanking them for their time. Going the extra mile in this way will generally show that you’re qualified for the position, or at least that you’re a serious and diligent person.
Step 9: Follow-up:
Of course, sending a thank you note is something you do immediately after the interview. A reasonable period after, usually a week or two at least, you should take one further step to follow up. Call the company offices and ask if you can speak to the hiring manager who interviewed you. You can start the conversation by asking if they received your note. Then you can ask them if any decisions were made and, if not, approximately when you should call back or otherwise expect to hear from them. Don’t be pushy; above all, be polite and courteous, even if a response is not forthcoming.
WHEN YOU’RE HIRED…THINGS TO THINK ABOUT…
If you are hired, remember that you need to stand up to your promises. You should always be putting 110% effort. An unspoken trick to get comfortable in interviews and to always get the job you want: in every job you accept, make yourself shine. Regardless of how much you are paid or how much responsibility and work you’re given, take the initiative to do more. The more you’re prepared to do for your job, the future each of your jobs will take you. Don’t worry about being rewarded, just keep working hard, and it will pay off. I guarantee it.
Nine Steps to Interview Success
These days, the average person changes their career seven to ten times within their life span. This means that the average person is going to send out several hundred copies of their resumes in their lifetime…and yes, they’re going to have to go through several interviews in their lifetime.
Scary, huh?
If the interview process makes you nervous, well, you’re not alone. But right now, it’s time to stop worrying. You’re about to learn the nine vital steps for interview success…how to pass any interview you face!
Step 1: Research the Company that you are being interviewed for:
It’s a pretty obvious trick: research the company you’re interviewing for and be prepared to show off what you know about them. Way too many people show up for an interview without having the first idea about what the particular company stands for. The truth is that you should know at least something about the company’s mission, its general business process, and its particular needs. Know how long the company has been in business and whether they’re financially sound and profitable. Research the company with a view to determine what you can do to help them achieve their goals. Be prepared to say specifically how your personal goals and experience are going to be valuable to the company.
Step 2: Know your resume:
In virtually any interview situation, you’re interviewer is going to ask you questions about your resume, about your experiences and even about the quirky stuff you’ve listed to pad it out. You should read your resume over and over, and know the details of it because you never know when you’re going to be asked about your chess playing experience or your interest in literature. Make sure there’s nothing detailed on your resume that you’re uncomfortable talking about.
Step 3: Dress for Success:
Appearance can become nine-tenths of the law if you don’t pay attention to it. For every interview, make sure you wear garments that are professional and appropriate the position that you’re seeking. Your clothes should be comfortable, clean, and pressed. Don’t create a crisis for yourself on the morning of the interview when it comes to your clothes. Pick out your outfit and make sure it’s ready the night before your big interview.
Step 4: Make sure that you wake up early and are on time:
Just as you shouldn’t let your wardrobe run you down on the big day, you shouldn’t let traffic or public transport delays upset you either. It’s also crucial that you don’t get lost on the way so have directions –and confirm them if you have to – well before you set off. These days, with MapQuest, you have no excuses. Make sure you leave the house early, and plan to be at the interview at least ten minutes early.
Step 5: Review interview questions:
Interviews may be pretty scary but they’re also pretty predictable. It doesn’t take much to predict the basic questions you’re going to be asked. Here are some examples:
Tell me about yourself?
Tell me about a time you failed miserably in your career?
What is your greatest strength/weakness?
Where do you see yourself five years from now?
What are your salary expectations for this position?
Why should we hire YOU?
Prepare sample answers to these questions. Memorize a couple of key responses. Remember that no matter who you’re interviewing for or with, if it’s a job interview, the basic focus is going to be on your experience, your goals, and your potential to contribute to the company. Be sure you can argue a case for yourself on these key points.
Step 6: Let the interviewer lead you:
The interviewer is the one running the interview but you can set the pace. Wait for the interviewer to ask the questions. Take your time to listen to the questions. Give your answers carefully; make sure they are considered. That said, each of your answers should be given with an energetic and enthusiastic voice. Above all, smile and enjoy the interview. Be courteous and always thank the interviewer at the end of the interview. Tell them that you’re well qualified for the job, and that you will prove it to them upon being hired. Don’t be afraid to be confident in yourself and your abilities.
Step 7: Ask for the next step:
The interviewer will ask most of the questions but you will have a chance to get a word in shortly. Find out what will happen next, and what you should expect after the interview. When should you be hearing from them about the job? When will the hiring decision be made?
Step 8: Send a thank you note:
Everything you do regarding your interview has consequences. Just as a good sales person follows up on a lead, after each interview you attend you should be sure to send a thank you note to the employer and the interviewer, thanking them for their time. Going the extra mile in this way will generally show that you’re qualified for the position, or at least that you’re a serious and diligent person.
Step 9: Follow-up:
Of course, sending a thank you note is something you do immediately after the interview. A reasonable period after, usually a week or two at least, you should take one further step to follow up. Call the company offices and ask if you can speak to the hiring manager who interviewed you. You can start the conversation by asking if they received your note. Then you can ask them if any decisions were made and, if not, approximately when you should call back or otherwise expect to hear from them. Don’t be pushy; above all, be polite and courteous, even if a response is not forthcoming.
WHEN YOU’RE HIRED…THINGS TO THINK ABOUT…
If you are hired, remember that you need to stand up to your promises. You should always be putting 110% effort. An unspoken trick to get comfortable in interviews and to always get the job you want: in every job you accept, make yourself shine. Regardless of how much you are paid or how much responsibility and work you’re given, take the initiative to do more. The more you’re prepared to do for your job, the future each of your jobs will take you. Don’t worry about being rewarded, just keep working hard, and it will pay off. I guarantee it.
How To Make Many Friends Easily
by: Ivan Campuzano
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?
by: Michele Wahlder
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment
We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.
Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”
Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”
Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”
The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment
We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.
Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”
Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”
Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”
The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
Creating Your Vision
Creating Your Vision
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" Albert Einstein
I feel that one of the most important ingredients in your formula for success is having a clearly defined and vivid vision of where you want to be. At first the “how” is not that important, you need to create a vision that gets you so excited that you develop the mentality that you will stop at nothing to get what you want. Many people first focus on the how than very quickly find themselves overwhelmed with too many details and just as quickly talk them selves out of pursuing their goals. You have to take a leap of faith and trust that the how will be shown to you as you go along. Do you remember the days as a kid with dreams of epic proportions? What happened those dreams? You got older and domesticated by a society that says that having those dreams is foolish. That’s nonsense, why wouldn’t you want to accomplish the things that even as a kid you knew would make you happy. I encourage you to dream like you once used to.
“Shoot for the moon…even if you
Miss you’ll still be amongst them stars”- Beanie Sigel(rap artist)
One way I keep myself motivated and keep my vision alive is through my picture book. In my book I have everything that I want and every morning I look at it to remind me what I want in life. Go right now and get some magazines and cut out every picture of the things you want and places you want to visit, don’t be thinking if you can actually get those things now, dare to dream. Remember your mind thinks in pictures, look at your picture book until in becomes as vivid as possible in the theater of your mind. Your mind cant tell the difference between something you remember or something you experience in real time.
Visualization Exercises(meditation):
(Please read this whole section, I will explain why almost all self help fails to produce the results people want)
You can think of meditation as conscious sleeping. Just as you sleep to gain energy for your daily functioning, meditation is conscious sleeping that gives you all the energy(creative abilities) you need for what you intend to accomplish.
I also use lucid dreaming as another way to increase creativity, I will soon write a hub on lucid dreaming.(Lucid dreaming is when you actually become aware in your dream that you are dreaming, once properly trained you can control your dreams)
Use the power of meditation to help you achieve your goals. Strive to everyday meditate one minute for each year of your current age. I am 24, so everyday I try and meditate at least 24 minutes. If you are new to meditation check out this website on transcendental meditation .There are many techniques find something that feels good to you.
Quantum Mind Power
Daily Routine:
1. Pick a nice comfortable place where to meditate. Have an intention on what you plan to meditate on before hand. Ex. A destination you want to visit.
2. Find a comfortable position to sit. Sitting on a chair or on the floor, does not really matter as long as it is comfortable for you.
3. Cross your legs, clasp your hands together.(this helps make your own energy circuit and gives stability)
4.Close your eyes, than stop inner and outer chatter.
5. Relax, begin thinking that your whole body is becoming extremely relaxed.
6. Eyes should be closed.
7. You will notice that your mind is full of many thoughts. Your mind will than begin to ask questions to those thoughts and try and come up with answers whether they are known or unknown. This is why your mind(ego) can be your enemy if it mostly thinks in negative terms.
8. You will need to transcend your mind and thoughts in order to meditate. Your mind and thoughts are what separate you from your higher self, you can also think of your higher self as your subconscious mind don't worry about the labels.
9. You transcend your mind by simply observing your breath. Don't inhale/exhale consciously just observe your natural breathing. Don't go behind your thoughts, if you catch your self drifting just always come back to your breathing. Slowly the amount of thoughts reduces and your breathing becomes thinner and shorter. If you are able to keep all your focus on your breath, you will get to the point of no thought and no breath. This state of no thought is your connection to your divine being and energy body. The more you meditate the more benefits and energy that you will receive. Your own self awareness and consciousness will also expand.
10. You will feel a very pleasurable feeling meditating. If you feel any discomfort in your body these can be possible areas of disease or illness. If you meditate everyday you will heal your body naturally.
11. Now that you are in a state of no thought and total relaxation. Begin to think only on your intention. Remember whatever you think now is in a state that will be impregnated directly into your subconscious. It is incredibly important that you don't color any of your thoughts with any lack,limitation,dis belief or doubt. This is why almost all self help material does not produce the results people expect. Wishing for more money(or anything else) never works, the thought of wanting more money also has the thought of doubt attached to it. Ask your self how many thoughts that you think about have been modified in a way that is not beneficial to you. You just never realize that you are programming your sub conscious all day. This is why meditation is so powerful. You are able to make suggestions to your subconscious where the thought is not modified in any way shape or form. So if you want to make things happen fast you need to get rid of the concept of attaching time to yourthoughts. You have to remember that everything you get in your life comes based on the conditions that you set up and time is usually one condition that cuases the most frustration with people. Just as a computer programmer gives a computer instructions to complete a task, you program the most powerful computer you have which is your subconscious. Your conscious mind acts as the gate keeper as to what thoughts you let in. Now that you know this choose to become more aware and conscious about what you think all day long. Learn to see the world in a non linear way, remove time from your consiousness and watch how things show up in your life faster than you ever thought.
Thoughts = feelings = actions = results (just like that you can begin to shape your life)
12. Mentally rehearse every moment of it with all your senses. Dare to be like Peter Pan :)
13. Visualize in vivid detail, your intention as established fact. Also make sure you meditate only on days you feel good. Remember you want your thoughts to be as pure as possible. This also means that you really find out what you want, make sure its not something you want solely for ego purposes. Thoughts that involve the ego are usually always colored with negativity.
14. With time you will begin to be able to hold vivid pictures of anything(you will develop you third eye). The more you are able to hold onto an image in your mind the more power you give it.
15. Get up and go have a great day :) notice how much energy you have the rest of the day. As you advance in your discipline, you will have a lot of fun basically creating your day before it starts.
Beliefs:
To start making that vision a reality you will have to change some of your beliefs and adopt beliefs that will help you reach your goals. Because if you have this great vision of you retiring on your own private beach but deep down you don’t believe you can do it, you have already sabotaged yourself. Your desire and your belief are in conflict with each other and therefore you will not manifest what it is that you want into your life. If you want to be a good leader one day but you currently have the belief that you are a shy person, it will not happen. You need to truly make a decision to adopt the belief that you are really outgoing. When you truly decide to do something you will find a way to do it.
“Nothing happens unless first a dream” – Carl Sandburg
Some Ways to shape your beliefs:
1. Always think Success- as soon as you think about failure forget about it and don’t let anymore negative thoughts snowball. The more attention you give a thought the more powerful it will become than you will make it harder for yourself to get back to a productive mind state. The only way to change how you feel is to think about something else. Whenever you feel doubt, fear, and failure creeping into your mind have a default thought that you can use to avoid giving attention to mental poison. As soon as I feel I am entertaining thoughts of negativity I immediately begin to think about relaxing on a beach and affirm to myself that “I attract abundance to all areas of my life”. The more I try and have the feelings of being on the beach with no worries and remind myself that I am in complete control of how I feel, I immediately feel the negativity begin to melt away as I begin to focus on my new positive thought.
2. Develop the belief that you are better than you currently feel- don’t look at your weaknesses as a burden but as an opportunity to improve your self. When I find something I don’t like about my personality I don’t get down on myself for it, I just realize that now I have something I can work on to make myself better. Most importantly love and accept who you are, not who you will or should be.
3. Believe that sky’s the limit- if you have little goals you will have little success, the bigger your dreams the more potential for your possible success. Even If you think your dream is too big, strive to reach that dream, because you will end up at a better place than if you would have set your sights on a smaller goal. The trick is to really believe you can do it, this just isn’t wishful thinking. Wishful thinking never got anyone anything, you need to find out what you want and get out there and get it. If you really want that house on the beach your mind will come up with ways to help you get it.(develop faith in your self)
How to remove junk beliefs:
1. Meditate on your old belief and tell the truth about it. Now replace it with a belief that will better serve you. Meditate on it until you feel you have changed that belief.
Now when you accept these beliefs it means you will have to raise your standards and develop a strategy that will put you on the road to accomplish what you set forth. Do whatever you have to do. Read any books that will spark your interest or help you discover any distinctions that will point you in the right direction. Find a role model, a person who has already accomplished what you want. Find out what some of their beliefs, interests, body language, image, etc. is and adopt them as your own. Your role model can serve as a blue print, the goal is to cut down on the trial and error so you can get where you want faster than you ever thought possible. You can take all the qualities from all the people you admire and add your own personal touch. Just think of if it as if you are trying to build the person you want and know you can be. Thomas Edison is one of the greatest inventors in history, he was able to elaborate, modify and adapt on other peoples ideas. You don’t have torecreate the wheel just constantly be aware of any success ingredients you come across and make them part of your identity. Think of your mind as a warehouse the more you learn and store will eventually serve as an inventory for future reference, which will breed new ideas and perspectives.
Consistency is key we are all creatures of patterns and habits. In order to become the person you desire to be, start by changing your patterns. Think of all the quality traits you must possess, make a pattern which uses those traits efficiently than strive to be consistent. Consistency will develop into habits and this is key because if you fail to be consistent with your actions you will not be consistent with who you desire to be. This lack of confusion between your actions and what your mind knows you are capable of leads to tremendous amounts of stress, confusion, and even depression. Many other consequences also come from a lack of consistency.
This is why awareness of self is critical; you need to be constantly evaluating your self. Decide if the persona you are currently displaying is the reality that you want for yourself,because with enough time thats what your reality will become.
Thank you for reading my hub, I love to hear anyones opinion or suggestions. Good luck to everyone.
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" Albert Einstein
I feel that one of the most important ingredients in your formula for success is having a clearly defined and vivid vision of where you want to be. At first the “how” is not that important, you need to create a vision that gets you so excited that you develop the mentality that you will stop at nothing to get what you want. Many people first focus on the how than very quickly find themselves overwhelmed with too many details and just as quickly talk them selves out of pursuing their goals. You have to take a leap of faith and trust that the how will be shown to you as you go along. Do you remember the days as a kid with dreams of epic proportions? What happened those dreams? You got older and domesticated by a society that says that having those dreams is foolish. That’s nonsense, why wouldn’t you want to accomplish the things that even as a kid you knew would make you happy. I encourage you to dream like you once used to.
“Shoot for the moon…even if you
Miss you’ll still be amongst them stars”- Beanie Sigel(rap artist)
One way I keep myself motivated and keep my vision alive is through my picture book. In my book I have everything that I want and every morning I look at it to remind me what I want in life. Go right now and get some magazines and cut out every picture of the things you want and places you want to visit, don’t be thinking if you can actually get those things now, dare to dream. Remember your mind thinks in pictures, look at your picture book until in becomes as vivid as possible in the theater of your mind. Your mind cant tell the difference between something you remember or something you experience in real time.
Visualization Exercises(meditation):
(Please read this whole section, I will explain why almost all self help fails to produce the results people want)
You can think of meditation as conscious sleeping. Just as you sleep to gain energy for your daily functioning, meditation is conscious sleeping that gives you all the energy(creative abilities) you need for what you intend to accomplish.
I also use lucid dreaming as another way to increase creativity, I will soon write a hub on lucid dreaming.(Lucid dreaming is when you actually become aware in your dream that you are dreaming, once properly trained you can control your dreams)
Use the power of meditation to help you achieve your goals. Strive to everyday meditate one minute for each year of your current age. I am 24, so everyday I try and meditate at least 24 minutes. If you are new to meditation check out this website on transcendental meditation .There are many techniques find something that feels good to you.
Quantum Mind Power
Daily Routine:
1. Pick a nice comfortable place where to meditate. Have an intention on what you plan to meditate on before hand. Ex. A destination you want to visit.
2. Find a comfortable position to sit. Sitting on a chair or on the floor, does not really matter as long as it is comfortable for you.
3. Cross your legs, clasp your hands together.(this helps make your own energy circuit and gives stability)
4.Close your eyes, than stop inner and outer chatter.
5. Relax, begin thinking that your whole body is becoming extremely relaxed.
6. Eyes should be closed.
7. You will notice that your mind is full of many thoughts. Your mind will than begin to ask questions to those thoughts and try and come up with answers whether they are known or unknown. This is why your mind(ego) can be your enemy if it mostly thinks in negative terms.
8. You will need to transcend your mind and thoughts in order to meditate. Your mind and thoughts are what separate you from your higher self, you can also think of your higher self as your subconscious mind don't worry about the labels.
9. You transcend your mind by simply observing your breath. Don't inhale/exhale consciously just observe your natural breathing. Don't go behind your thoughts, if you catch your self drifting just always come back to your breathing. Slowly the amount of thoughts reduces and your breathing becomes thinner and shorter. If you are able to keep all your focus on your breath, you will get to the point of no thought and no breath. This state of no thought is your connection to your divine being and energy body. The more you meditate the more benefits and energy that you will receive. Your own self awareness and consciousness will also expand.
10. You will feel a very pleasurable feeling meditating. If you feel any discomfort in your body these can be possible areas of disease or illness. If you meditate everyday you will heal your body naturally.
11. Now that you are in a state of no thought and total relaxation. Begin to think only on your intention. Remember whatever you think now is in a state that will be impregnated directly into your subconscious. It is incredibly important that you don't color any of your thoughts with any lack,limitation,dis belief or doubt. This is why almost all self help material does not produce the results people expect. Wishing for more money(or anything else) never works, the thought of wanting more money also has the thought of doubt attached to it. Ask your self how many thoughts that you think about have been modified in a way that is not beneficial to you. You just never realize that you are programming your sub conscious all day. This is why meditation is so powerful. You are able to make suggestions to your subconscious where the thought is not modified in any way shape or form. So if you want to make things happen fast you need to get rid of the concept of attaching time to yourthoughts. You have to remember that everything you get in your life comes based on the conditions that you set up and time is usually one condition that cuases the most frustration with people. Just as a computer programmer gives a computer instructions to complete a task, you program the most powerful computer you have which is your subconscious. Your conscious mind acts as the gate keeper as to what thoughts you let in. Now that you know this choose to become more aware and conscious about what you think all day long. Learn to see the world in a non linear way, remove time from your consiousness and watch how things show up in your life faster than you ever thought.
Thoughts = feelings = actions = results (just like that you can begin to shape your life)
12. Mentally rehearse every moment of it with all your senses. Dare to be like Peter Pan :)
13. Visualize in vivid detail, your intention as established fact. Also make sure you meditate only on days you feel good. Remember you want your thoughts to be as pure as possible. This also means that you really find out what you want, make sure its not something you want solely for ego purposes. Thoughts that involve the ego are usually always colored with negativity.
14. With time you will begin to be able to hold vivid pictures of anything(you will develop you third eye). The more you are able to hold onto an image in your mind the more power you give it.
15. Get up and go have a great day :) notice how much energy you have the rest of the day. As you advance in your discipline, you will have a lot of fun basically creating your day before it starts.
Beliefs:
To start making that vision a reality you will have to change some of your beliefs and adopt beliefs that will help you reach your goals. Because if you have this great vision of you retiring on your own private beach but deep down you don’t believe you can do it, you have already sabotaged yourself. Your desire and your belief are in conflict with each other and therefore you will not manifest what it is that you want into your life. If you want to be a good leader one day but you currently have the belief that you are a shy person, it will not happen. You need to truly make a decision to adopt the belief that you are really outgoing. When you truly decide to do something you will find a way to do it.
“Nothing happens unless first a dream” – Carl Sandburg
Some Ways to shape your beliefs:
1. Always think Success- as soon as you think about failure forget about it and don’t let anymore negative thoughts snowball. The more attention you give a thought the more powerful it will become than you will make it harder for yourself to get back to a productive mind state. The only way to change how you feel is to think about something else. Whenever you feel doubt, fear, and failure creeping into your mind have a default thought that you can use to avoid giving attention to mental poison. As soon as I feel I am entertaining thoughts of negativity I immediately begin to think about relaxing on a beach and affirm to myself that “I attract abundance to all areas of my life”. The more I try and have the feelings of being on the beach with no worries and remind myself that I am in complete control of how I feel, I immediately feel the negativity begin to melt away as I begin to focus on my new positive thought.
2. Develop the belief that you are better than you currently feel- don’t look at your weaknesses as a burden but as an opportunity to improve your self. When I find something I don’t like about my personality I don’t get down on myself for it, I just realize that now I have something I can work on to make myself better. Most importantly love and accept who you are, not who you will or should be.
3. Believe that sky’s the limit- if you have little goals you will have little success, the bigger your dreams the more potential for your possible success. Even If you think your dream is too big, strive to reach that dream, because you will end up at a better place than if you would have set your sights on a smaller goal. The trick is to really believe you can do it, this just isn’t wishful thinking. Wishful thinking never got anyone anything, you need to find out what you want and get out there and get it. If you really want that house on the beach your mind will come up with ways to help you get it.(develop faith in your self)
How to remove junk beliefs:
1. Meditate on your old belief and tell the truth about it. Now replace it with a belief that will better serve you. Meditate on it until you feel you have changed that belief.
Now when you accept these beliefs it means you will have to raise your standards and develop a strategy that will put you on the road to accomplish what you set forth. Do whatever you have to do. Read any books that will spark your interest or help you discover any distinctions that will point you in the right direction. Find a role model, a person who has already accomplished what you want. Find out what some of their beliefs, interests, body language, image, etc. is and adopt them as your own. Your role model can serve as a blue print, the goal is to cut down on the trial and error so you can get where you want faster than you ever thought possible. You can take all the qualities from all the people you admire and add your own personal touch. Just think of if it as if you are trying to build the person you want and know you can be. Thomas Edison is one of the greatest inventors in history, he was able to elaborate, modify and adapt on other peoples ideas. You don’t have torecreate the wheel just constantly be aware of any success ingredients you come across and make them part of your identity. Think of your mind as a warehouse the more you learn and store will eventually serve as an inventory for future reference, which will breed new ideas and perspectives.
Consistency is key we are all creatures of patterns and habits. In order to become the person you desire to be, start by changing your patterns. Think of all the quality traits you must possess, make a pattern which uses those traits efficiently than strive to be consistent. Consistency will develop into habits and this is key because if you fail to be consistent with your actions you will not be consistent with who you desire to be. This lack of confusion between your actions and what your mind knows you are capable of leads to tremendous amounts of stress, confusion, and even depression. Many other consequences also come from a lack of consistency.
This is why awareness of self is critical; you need to be constantly evaluating your self. Decide if the persona you are currently displaying is the reality that you want for yourself,because with enough time thats what your reality will become.
Thank you for reading my hub, I love to hear anyones opinion or suggestions. Good luck to everyone.
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
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